IX. As a newspaper Agony Aunt columnist write an answer to one of your readers offering strategies of coping with a certain family problem or conflict. Use your experience and imagination.

X. Write an essay of 350 words on one of the following topics:

- Family values: past and present.

- Do women and men speak different languages?

- The art of arguing with your partner.

- What do you mean by healthy relationship?

- Women and men in interruption.

XI. Comment on the following sayings and quotations:

A woman’s tongue wags like a lamb’s tale.

Foxes are all tail and women are all tongue.

The North Sea will sooner be found wanting in water than a woman be at a loss for word.

Ask him the time and he’ll tell you how the watch was made (Jan Wyman of ex-husband Ronald Reagan).

The hardest task in a girl’s life is to prove to a man that his intentions are serious (Helen Rowland).

One of the most difficult things in this world is to convince a woman that even bargain costs money (Edgar Howe).

Don’t imagine you can change a man, unless he’s in nappies. (Jasmine Birtles).

SECTION B

Language and gender research began approximately 35 years ago with the publication of Lakoff’s (1975) Language and Women’s Place. During the late 1970s and early 1980s research which has come to be known as the power/dominance approach developed. The culture/difference approach then emerged in the mid 1980s and early 1990s. Both approaches assume that difference between male and female speech patterns is pre-existing. Though they differ in their explanations as to why this is the case.

Researchers who follow the power/dominance approach argue that the considerable economic power men have over women in society permeates into language, resulting in male domination in spoken interaction. Male domination in society’s power structures ensures that men’s speech is always more highly valued.

Researchers who follow the culture/difference approach assert that men and women speak differently due to differences that are implemented during the socialization process. Instead of viewing female language as something that is imposed on women from society’s patriarchal institutions, culture/difference researchers began to celebrate female speech styles.

Critics of power/dominance and culture/difference approaches have now turned to the view of gender as a perfomative social construct. Instead of viewing gender as something that is rigid and fixed, serving to perpetuate stereotypes associated with male and female speech, the notion of perfomativity allows gender to be viewed as something which is flexible. Males and females learn a much more complex set of gendered meanings, and both sexes are fully capable of using strategies associated with either masculinity or femininity.

Topical Vocabulary

language and gender research

power/dominance approach

culture/difference approach

performative social construct

public speaking

private speaking

report talk

rapport talk

to establish connections

to match experiences

to negotiate and maintain status

to open lines of communication

to take smb. on their own terms

therapy(-ist)

assertiveness training

verbal performance

mutual acceptance

TEXT 1

Who talks more, then, women or men? The seemingly contradictory evidence is reconciled by the difference between what I call public and private speaking. More men feel comfortable doing "public speaking," while more women feel comfortable doing "private" speaking. Another way of capturing these differences is by using the terms report-talk and rapport-talk.

For most women, the language of conversation is primarily a language of rapport: a way of establishing connections and negotiating relationships. Emphasis is placed on displaying similarities and matching experiences. From childhood, girls criticize peers who try to stand out or appear better than others. People feel their closest connections at home, or in settings where they feel at home—with one or a few people they feel close to and comfortable with—in other words, during private speaking. But even the most public situations can be approached like private speaking. For most men, talk is primarily a means to preserve independence and negotiate and maintain status in a hierarchical social order. This is done by exhibiting knowledge and skill, and by holding center stage through verbal performance such as story-telling, joking, or imparting information. From childhood, men learn to use talking as a way to get and keep attention. So they are more comfortable speaking in larger groups made up of people they know less well—in the broadest sense, "public speaking." But even the most private situations can be approached like public speaking, more like giving a report than establishing rapport.

What is the solution, then, if women and men are talking at cross purposes, about gossip as about other matters? How are we to open lines of communication? The answer is for both men and women to try to take each other on their own terms rather than applying the standards of one group to the behavior of the other. This is not a "natural" thing to do, because we tend to look for a single "right" way of doing things. Understandably, experts are as liable to do this as anyone else.

A national audience-participation talk show featured a psychologist answering questions about couples' relationships. A woman in the audience voiced a complaint: "My husband talks to his mother, but he won't talk to me. If I want to know how his day was, I listen to his conversation with his mother." The psychologist told this woman, "He probably trusts his mother more than he trusts you." This comment reinforced the woman's own suspicions and worst fears. And what the psychologist said was perfectly legitimate and reasonable—within the framework of talk in women's friendships: The friend to whom you talk daily, telling all the little experiences you had, is your best friend. But how reasonable an interpretation is it from the man's point of view? I would wager that her husband did not think he needed to do anything special to create intimacy with his wife, because he was with her every day. But because his mother was alone, he humored her by telling her unimportant little things that she seemed to want to hear. His mother's need to hear such details would make sense to her son because she was alone and needed them as a substitute for the real thing, like watching life from her window. He wouldn't understand why his wife would want and need to hear such talk. Although it is possible that this man trusts his mother more than his wife, the evidence given does not warrant such a conclusion. This therapist was judging the man's way of talking by women's standards. In a sense, the values of therapy are those more typically associated with women's ways of talking than with men's. This may be why a study showed that among inexperienced therapists, women do better than men. But over time, with experience, this gender difference disappears. Eventually, perhaps, men therapists—and men in therapy—learn to talk like women. This is all to the good. Assertiveness training, on the other hand, teaches women to talk more like men, and this too is to the good. Women and men would both do well to learn strategies more typically used by members of the other group – not to switch over entirely, but to have more strategies at their disposal.

Habitual ways of talking are hard to change. Learning to respect others’ ways of talking may be a bit easier. Mutual acceptance will at least prevent the pain of being told you are doing something wrong when you are only doing things your way.

(from You Just Don’t Understand by D. Tannen)

I.Write down from the text word combinations and phrases related to report talk and rapport talk. Be ready to discuss their meaning.

II.Think of cases when public situations are approached like private speaking and private situations are approached like public speaking.

III.Give examples of possible misunderstandings between women and men in a relationship similar to/different from the one given in the text.

IV.Be ready to discuss strategies leading to better understanding between opposite sexes.

V.In pairs make up short dialogues/situations and let your groupmates explain what strategies of coping with male/female misunderstanding you used.