Sometimes Silence Is Golden

Often we feel we have to express an opinion on every subject under discussion. True, we may have something very meaningful to add to the deliberation. I have been in meetings where a member feels compelled to express an opinion of every issue even though he or she may not be informed about the subject. I often have to hold back because of my experience, age and knowledge will tend to stifle participation of others who will find it healthy and beneficial to voice their views. An example is a Bible study where an issue is being discussed with different convections being expressed maybe some views are not well Biblically founded but the discussion has value. Since with this group I have superior Biblical knowledge and with my age and experience, expressing my viewpoint, without being asked, will end the discussion. Of course, there are times when the direction must be challenged because of the direction the discussion has taken. But once again, sometimes we need to keep silent to encourage others.

Then there are times we need to “bite our tongue.’ Being critical is a big temptation for all specially in family gatherings and situations. We have the tendency or wish to “straighten them out.” But usually the comments will only antagonize or debilitate to whom the aspersion is directed. In my case, to often an apology is required after the event, so I have learned to keep my comments positive.

Say Thank You and You’re Welcome

This little act of courtesy is so often not given, forgotten or ignored. Too bad. Whether it is a simple act of holding a door for me or someone else to enter or a more meaningful effort such as cooking a meal [good or not], giving a ride, etc. etc. a response of Thank You is appreciated or even expected. Over the years, my grandchildren have learned to say thank you for little courtesies and what a pleasure for me to respond with a “You are Welcome”. They are not always perfect and neither am I in response, but usually very thoughtful. Two of my grandchildren are very careless about this response and I have to be careful not to let this lack of response affect my relationship with them.

A little note about the you are Welcome response. Twenty or thirty years ago, the culture gave a response of “No problem” to a simple thank you. The connotation of this response is “I am doing this because it doesn’t require great effort on my part” rather then “I am pleased to help, appreciate or provide a little or large courtesy to you.” Fortunately, “no problem” has been dropped in the last twenty years to You’re Welcome.

Self Stimulus Is Better Than Outside Hearing from tv

When I was growing up our influence, stimulation and education came from books and radio. I am not speaking of influence of parents, teachers and friends, which remains basically the same. Our usual source of knowledge came from books, lectures from travelers, explorers, etc. etc. We also had radio, but ever here the background and situation had to be imagined, such as, horses’ hoofs, rain, and people coming and leaving. A man would return from a European trip and lecture about what he saw. Trips overseas were that rare in the 1930’s. Photography was still not able to project magnified pictures on a screen. A book gave us a word description of a scene, building, person’s clothing and facial expression, etc. But the actual mind picture came from one’s imagination. This was healthy because it forced us to think through the process from words to word picture!

Today, much of the information and needs in our life is presented to us via, TV, internet, Google, etc. TV and movies give us a dramatic presentation of the situation of events unfolding in the story. All we have to do is sit and listen! Why read and imagine the scene when all we have to do is turn on the TV or select the movie from the current list and it is all presented for us. We read books, but today people listen to ‘books on tape.’ I maintain reading skills are much lower today than previously.

All this adds up that internal thought processes are not being developed or stimulated as they were in years past. Of course, the argument is the information is there when we want or need it, or the ability to add a column of figures is not needed since we have a calculator nearby. This is true, but our reasoning skills are not developed and because information is not stored internally can one carry on a conversation with a traveler or foreigner as successfully. Maybe, but I think not.