Negative-Positive Connotation

Because words can elicit powerful emotional reactions, they are often said to have negative or positive connotations for people. Today many people prefer to be called "senior citizens" rather than "elderly." And though parents may take equal pleasure in hearing their children referred to as "brilliant'' or "gifted", those with "retarded" children are sensitive to the many negative connotations of the word. Increasing efforts to avoid the stigma such a word seems to carry have resulted in terms with more positive associations- "slow learners" is an example as is "special education" students. The connotation of "special" has also changed with the use of such terms as "Special Olympics"

Some interesting research on word connotations can be cited. One study investigated male and female responses to sex-related terms in an attempt to identify differences in response. Not surprisingly, it was found that women tended out your central idea more explicitly," and "Try to be a little more enthusiastic" are all instances of metacommunication.

Metacommunication is not always so explicit. Sometimes discussions that begin at the content level become forms of metacommunication. We can best illustrate with an anecdote. A young man and woman, dressed for a night on the town, have just stepped out of a cab. As they stand at the corner waiting for the light to change, they rapidly become involved in a heated argument:

Wife: Next time try to get home earlier so we can be on time.

Husband: It's only a party. Next time tell me beforehand if you think it's so important to be there at eight sharp. And don't sound so annoyed.

Wife: But you're always late.

Husband: I'm not always late. Don't generalize like that.

Wife: Well, you're late a lot of the time. Why do you always put me down when I say something about you?

Husband: I don't "always" put you down. There you go again, generalizing.

Although they may well remember it simply as a quarrel about lateness, this couple is arguing about how they communicate with each other. The husband tells the wife not to sound so annoyed, the husband informs her that she makes too many generalizations, she counters that he puts her down, and so on. Think of their situation in terms of the Johari window discussed in Chapter 3. As they make these disclosures, they bring information from the blind quadrant into the open quadrant. But disclosures about the blind quadrant have to be made with some discretion. Moreover, because these disclosures take place in a defensive atmosphere, there is little chance that they will improve the relationship between husband and wife.

When there are serious conflicts about relationships rather than content, metacommunication is often especially difficult (Sillars and Weisberg, 1987). Two people may lack the skill to use metacommunication; and the source of the conflict, as was noted in Chapter 3, may be "diffuse and selectively perceived. Attempts to communicate are therefore frustrated by a failure to agree on the definition of the conflict and by an inability to metacommunicate" (p. 151).

In a more supportive situation, the use of metacommunication might help people become aware of ways in which their communication practices are ineffective. For example, one teen-age girl finally confided to her mother that she was embarrassed when the mother tried to sound "hip" in front of the daughter's teen-age friends. It is sometimes awkward to provide such feedback. When given in a kind rather than a hostile way, however, it can be a valuable impetus to self-improvement.