How I lost my lighter

The last time I went to Exam I lost my lighter. The lighter was old but it had been a present from my mother. I tried hard to remember where and how I could have lost it. I wondered when I had last used it. At first I could not remember. Then I knew. It had been on that bus I had taken on my way back from the National Gallery to the boarding-house. An old man had asked me to give him a light and I did. I well remembered how he handed the lighter back to me, so it must have disappeared either while I was on the bus or later, in the street, between the bus stop and my boarding-house because it was there that I discovered my lose.

So I decided to get in touch with the police. Off I went. The moment I stepped outside the door I realized it was raining hard, so I returned to my room to take my umbrella.

I reported my loss to the officer on duty at the enquiry desk saying that the lighter had my initials engraved on it: N. S. «Very well. Let's see the lost-and-found book». The police officer lifted a heavy black book on to his desk, opened it, and ran his finger down the page. «Quite a few things have been brought in from all over the district today. Keys, wallet, glasses, handbag, bottle of whisky, right glove, umbrella, pocket transistor, two books, camera...» The officer continued his list of objects for a little longer and then suddenly he raised his voice: «Lighter! What did you say your initials are, sir?» «N. S., sergeant». «And N. S. they are».

The rest was a simple formality. The officer gave me my lighter and filled out a form for me to sign. I left a ten-shilling note as a reward for the finder, and left the police-station. I took a taxi home, and only after I had got home did I realize that I had left my umbrella at the police-station.

Questions:

1. Where did he think he lost the lighter?

2. What did he take with him when he went to the police-station?

3. What did he realize when he got home?

All the truth and nothing but the truth

In a small village court the lawyer for the prosecution called his first witness. A very old lady and grandmother stood in place and the lawyer began to ask: "Mrs. White, do you know me?"

She answered: "Of course, I know you. I know you since you were a little boy and frankly you have undeceive me. You have always been blatantly, you cheated on your wife, manipulate people and badly discourse them when they leave. You think you're a great personality when you do not even have enough intelligence to avoid being scanned. Of course I know you."

The lawyer was white not knowing what to do. After thinking for a while he pointed to the other end of the room and asked: "Mrs. White, do you know the defense attorney?"

The old lady responds right away: "Absolutely. I also know him since his childhood. He is a looser, has problems with drink and cannot have a normal relationship with anyone, and as a lawyer... He is the worst one I have seen in my entire life. I also want to mention that he fools his wife with three different women, one of which, curiously, is your wife. Yes, I know him too. Absolutely."

The defender was in shock. The judge then asked both the lawyers to get closer to the bench and with a very weak voice he said to them: "If any of you two happen to ask the old goat if she knows me, I swear I´ll put you both in jail!"

(taken from http://funride.hubpages.com/hub/about-funny-stories-1)

Questions:

1. What did an old lady say about the first witness?

2. What did she say about the defense attorney?

3. Suppose what she would say about the judge. Do you agree that people should always tell the truth and nothing but the truth?