The chaos

Dearest creature in Creation, ___________________________________

Studying English pronunciation, ___________________________________

I will teach you in my verse ___________________________________

Sounds like corpse, corps, horse ___________________________________

and worse. ___________________________________

It will keep you, Susy, busy, ___________________________________

Make your head with heat grow ___________________________________

dizzy; ___________________________________

Tear in eye your dress you’ll tear. ___________________________________

So shall I! Oh, hear my prayer, ___________________________________

Pray, console your loving poet, ___________________________________

Make my coat look new, dear, sew it! ___________________________________

Just compare heart, beard and ___________________________________

heard. ___________________________________

Dies and diet, lord and word, ___________________________________

Sword and sward, retain and Britain, ___________________________________

(Mind the latter, how it’s written!) ___________________________________

Made has not the sound of bade, ___________________________________

Say – said, pay – paid, laid, but ___________________________________

plaid. ___________________________________

Now I surely will not plague you ___________________________________

With such words as vague and ague, ___________________________________

But be careful how you speak, ___________________________________

Say break, steak, but bleak and ___________________________________

streak, ___________________________________

Previous, precious, fuchsia, via; ___________________________________

Pipe, snipe, recipe and choir, ___________________________________

Cloven, oven; how and low; ___________________________________

Script, receipt; shoe, poem, toe, ___________________________________

Hear me say devoid of trickery: ___________________________________

Daughter, laughter and Terpsichore, ___________________________________

Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles: ___________________________________

Exiles, similes, reviles; ___________________________________

Wholly, holly; signal, signing; ___________________________________

Thames; examining, combining; ___________________________________

Scholar, vicar and cigar, ___________________________________

Solar, mica, war and far. ___________________________________

From desire: desirable – admirable ___________________________________

from admire; ___________________________________

Lumber, plumber; bier but brier; ___________________________________

Chatham, brougham; renown but ___________________________________

known, ___________________________________

Knowledge; done, but gone and ___________________________________

tone, ___________________________________

One, anemone; Balmoral; ___________________________________

Kitchen, lichen; laundry, laurel; ___________________________________

Gertrude, German; wind and ___________________________________

mind; ___________________________________

Scene, Melpomene, mankind; ___________________________________

Tortoise, turquoise, chamois-leather, ___________________________________

Reading, Reading, heathen, heather. ___________________________________

This phonetic labyrinth ___________________________________

Gives moss, gross, brook, brooch, ___________________________________

ninth, plinth. ___________________________________

Billet does not end like ballet; ___________________________________

Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet; ___________________________________

Blood and flood are not like food, ___________________________________

Not is mould like should and would. ___________________________________

Banquet is not nearly parquet, ___________________________________

Which is said to rime with darky. ___________________________________

Viscous, viscount; load and broad; ___________________________________

Toward, to forward, to reward, ___________________________________

And your pronunciation’s O.K., ___________________________________

When you say correctly croquet; ___________________________________

Rounded, wounded; grieve and ___________________________________

sieve; ___________________________________

Friend and fiend; alive and live; ___________________________________

Liberty, library; heave and heaven; ___________________________________

Rachel, ache, moustache; eleven. ___________________________________

We say hallowed, but allowed; ___________________________________

People, leopard; towed, but ___________________________________

vowed. ___________________________________

Mark the difference, moreover, ___________________________________

Between mover, plover, Dover, ___________________________________

Leeches, breeches; wise, precise; ___________________________________

Chalice but police and lice. ___________________________________

Camel; constable, unstable; ___________________________________

Principle, disciple; label; ___________________________________

Petal, penal and canal; ___________________________________

Wait, surmise, plait, promise; pal. ___________________________________

Suit, suite, ruin; circuit, conduit ___________________________________

Rime with “shirk it” and “beyond it”. ___________________________________

But it is not hard to tell, ___________________________________

Why it’s pall, mall, but Pall Mall. ___________________________________

Muscle, muscular; gaol; iron; ___________________________________

Timber, climber; bullion, lion, ___________________________________

Worm and storm; chaise, chaos, ___________________________________

chair; ___________________________________

Senator, spectator, mayor. ___________________________________

Ivy, privy; famous, clamour ___________________________________

And enamour rime with “hammer”. ___________________________________

Pussy, hussy and possess. ___________________________________

Desert but dessert, address. ___________________________________

Golf, wolf; countenance; lieutenants ___________________________________

Hoist, in lieu of flags, left pennants. ___________________________________

River, rival; tomb, bomb, comb, ___________________________________

Doll and roll and some and home. ___________________________________

Stranger does not rime with anger, ___________________________________

Neither does devour with clangour. ___________________________________

Soul, but foul and gaunt, but aunt; ___________________________________

Font, front, won’t; want, grand, ___________________________________

and, grant, ___________________________________

Shoes, goes, does.٭ Now first say: ___________________________________

finger, ___________________________________

And then singer, ginger, linger. ___________________________________

Real, zeal; mauve, gauze and ___________________________________

gauge; ___________________________________

Marriage, foliage, mirage, age. ___________________________________

Query does not rime with very, ___________________________________

Nor does fury sound like bury. ___________________________________

Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth; ___________________________________

Job, Job, blossom, bosom, oath. ___________________________________

Though the difference seems little, ___________________________________

We say actual, but victual, ___________________________________

Seat, sweat, chaste, caste; Leigh, ___________________________________

eight, height; ___________________________________

Put, nut; granite, but unite. ___________________________________

Reefer does not rime with “deafer”, ___________________________________

Feoffer does, and zephyr, heifer. ___________________________________

Dull, bull; Geoffrey, George; ate, ___________________________________

late; ___________________________________

Hint, pint; senate, but sedate; ___________________________________

Scenic, Arabic, pacific; ___________________________________

Science, conscience, scientific; ___________________________________

Tour, but our, and succour, four; ___________________________________

Gas, alas, and Arkansas! ___________________________________

Sea, idea, guinea, area, ___________________________________

Psalm; Maria, but malaria; ___________________________________

Youth, south, southern; cleanse ___________________________________

and clean; ___________________________________

Doctrine, turpentine, marine. ___________________________________

Compare alien with Italian, ___________________________________

Dandelion with battalion, ___________________________________

Sally with ally; yea, ye, ___________________________________

Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, key, quay! ___________________________________

Say aver, but ever, fever, ___________________________________

Neither, leisure, skein, receiver. ___________________________________

Never guess – it is not safe; ___________________________________

We say calves, valves, half, but ___________________________________

Ralf! ___________________________________

Heron; granary, canary; ___________________________________

Crevice, and device, and eyrie; ___________________________________

Face but preface, but efface, ___________________________________

Phlegm, phlegmatic; ass, glass, ___________________________________

bass; ___________________________________

Large, but target, gin, give, verging; ___________________________________

Ought, out, joust and scour, but ___________________________________

scourging; ___________________________________

Ear, but earn; and wear and tear ___________________________________

Do not rime with “here”, but “ere”. ___________________________________

Seven is right, but so is even; ___________________________________

Hyphen, roughen, nephew, Stephen; ___________________________________

Monkey, donkey; clerk and jerk; ___________________________________

Asp, grasp, wasp; and cork and ___________________________________

work. ___________________________________

Pronunciation – think of psyche! – ___________________________________

Is a paling, stout and spiky; ___________________________________

Won’t it make you lose your wits, ___________________________________

Writing “groats” and saying groats? ___________________________________

It’s a dark abyss or tunnel, ___________________________________

Strewn with stones, like rowlock, ___________________________________

gunwale, ___________________________________

Islington and Isle of Wight, ___________________________________

Housewife, verdict and indict! ___________________________________

Don’t you think so, reader, rather, ___________________________________

Saying lather, bather, father? ___________________________________

Finally: which rimes with “enough”, ___________________________________

Though, through, plough, cough, ___________________________________

hough, or tough? ___________________________________

Hiccough has the sound of “cup”… ___________________________________

My advice is – give it up! ___________________________________

Charivarius (G. N. Trenite)

٭ No, you are wrong. This is the plural of “doe”.