Lesson 3, ex.4a) (Expert’s advice)

A. Why don’t you get a photo of Jared Leto or Daniel Radcliffe and tell your boyfriend that you feel miserable that he doesn’t look like them! Don’t let this nonsense get to you. Supermodels look brilliant in photos because they’ve got teams of make-up artists, hairstylists and soft-focus lighting to make them look perfect. Real people living in a real world don’t look like that. And without their make-up on, neither do supermodels! If this boy wants to go out with a supermodel, then he should hurry up and become Justin Bieber! Your boyfriend is being very insensitive to your feelings. Perhaps, instead of worrying whether or not he still loves you, I’d work out if you still love him!

B. If you run away, your life will definitely become worse. For a start, where will you go? And how will you survive without money? However, there are alternatives to think about; you don’t have to live with your father; neither does your mum. You can get help and move away from him. Anyone can see you are living in fear of your father and need to get away. Talk to your mum and tell her how you feel. If she won’t do anything, you can still help yourself. Contact your local social services and tell them what’s happening. No one has to live in fear of another person, even if they are related to them.

C. Well, Josh, some people just can’t take no for an answer. I think you are right not to date the girl – even once – as that will give her false hope and make her hang around even more. In fact, I think you’ve been nice for long enough. Try to talk to her nicely one last time and if she doesn’t get the message, it might be time for your parents to step in and contact her parents to get them to do something.

D. Growing up in the shadow of your twin must be difficult. If your twin gets more attention or wins more, it might be heartbreaking. I think you should try to talk to your parents about this. Tell tem what you feel. They may not know you feel like this. Maybe, it’s better not to try to do all the things he does, like joining a boxing club. Maybe, by doing that you’ll only make yourself feel miserable if he’s better than you. Why not find things that can be just yours. Don’t follow in his footsteps but do your own thing.

E. Why haven’t you told anyone how miserable you’re feeling? Is it because your doctor was so unhelpful? Or because you think no one will understand? The fact is, people will understand. Anyone who has ever been let down by someone they love knows how heartbreaking that can be. It makes you feel depressed. However, there are two things which can help you to get over it. One is time and the other is talking about how you feel. How is all your heartache going to disappear, if you never let it out in the open? You need to tell friends, and anyone else you rely on, how you feel. Help yourself by letting them comfort you, and if you feel so low that you find yourself thinking about killing yourself, then please contact The Samaritans ( their number is in the local directory) as soon as possible.

F. I sympathise with how you feel – many fathers seem to be particularly good at upsetting their daughters with tactless comments and over-the-top rules. Many fathers find it difficult to get on with their growing daughters because, subconsciously, they don’t want them to grow. Chances are that he sees you as a little girl, who listens to everything he says and does what he wants. The fact is you are becoming an independent person, and sooner or later he will have to deal with this. Have you ever told him how you feel about his comments? If not, point out that they’re making you feel very unhappy and even mad at him. At the same time, try to remember he loves you and only wants the best for you. Try compromising about his rules, ask him to give you a bit more freedom, and in return, don’t attack him every time he says something. Believe me, with a little give and take you can both get what you want, and still have a good father / daughter relationship.

G. It might break his heart, but it would make him even more miserable if he knew that you only were staying with him because you were sorry for him. You must tell him the truth. This doesn’t mean telling him the whole truth about your holiday romance, but it does mean finishing your relationship with him. People fall out of love with each other all the time; it’s a natural part of a relationship. Just make sure you split up with him in a kind way, and try not to feel bad about what’s happened.