Personal appearance and presentation

  Apart from the practical value of wearing clothes to protect us from the elements, one’s appearance and dress sense are an important part of non-verbal communication. The clothes someone wears, the fashions they follow, the hairstyle and make-up they choose can tell us a lot about the individual concerned and serves an important social and cultural function. For example, a uniform can provide information about a person’s occupation such as the uniform of a nurse or police officer. Wearing a particular colour of shirt can provide information about the football team that someone supports. In younger people, wearing certain clothes and having a particular hairstyle indicate an affiliation to a particular youth culture or group. For example, men having long hair and wearing a leather jacket usually give a message about that person’s tastes and values. In our society, women wearing sheer clothes and displaying a lot of skin when out socially can be an indication that they are looking for a partner. Clothing can also reflect religious beliefs, for example, Muslim women are required to wear modest clothing and cover most parts of their bodies. In certain cultures, what one can wear is even regulated by law. It can also reflect social class and status, for wearing an expensive watch, jewellery, expensive perfume or aftershave and designer clothing communicates that an individual is wealthy. Thus, the way a person dresses, the clothes they wear, the hairstyle they choose, their make-up, jewellery and the fashions that they follow, all communicate potentially valuable information about the person they are, or would like to be. It is important therefore that the choices you make in terms of your own appearance and presentation give the right message to others and maximize your chances of social success.

Verbal skills

  In addition to having well-developed non-verbal skills, an individual also needs to have good verbal skills in order to be an effective communicator. Being a good listener is the key to this and involves not doing too much of the talking and giving others the space and time to respond to you. Making effective use of listening skills in this context gives one more influence on the direction that a conversation takes by allowing them to selectively attend to certain utterances while neglecting others. There are a number of selective listening skills which can be learned to enable you to get the best possible response from the person you are interacting with. These are outlined below.

Paraphrasing

  Paraphrasing is a type of attending to another person which demonstrates the ability to give back in one’s own words pieces of information that the other person has been communicating to you. A paraphrase is basically a ‘translation’ of the essence of what the other person has been saying to you. It communicates to the other person that you have been listening to them. It also allows you as the listener to check that you have understood what they have been saying to you correctly. For example, if a work colleague has just spent 5 minutes giving you numerous examples of how the boss has let them down in the past, you might paraphrase what they have been saying by the statement ‘So your boss is pretty unreliable then’. This communicates that you have been listening to them and that your understanding of what they have been saying is correct. However, an inaccurate paraphrase can confuse the other person and it can give them the idea that you have not been listening to them, so it is important that you get it right.