13. Gore Politicizes 2007 Oscars

By Johnny Fairbanks The Moscow News

 

Since the only animal in the political kingdom less annoying than a Republican is a Democrat, I would like to dedicate this little column of cynicism to the 2007 Academy Award ceremonies, where that inconvenient politician, Al Gore, upped the ante in the Democratic presidential race by hauling home a gold-plated Oscar for his documentary on climate change, An Inconvenient Truth.

Whenever an auditorium is packed full of self-righteous liberals smack in the middle of the dog days of war, you can pretty much guarantee that the faux fur will start flying. But this Oscars ceremony was pretty much a tame Dixie Chick-less affair.

So with Hollywood superstar Leonardo DiCaprio at his side at the podium, Gore took an opportunity to test the political waters, kind of like when Anthony placed the laurels on Julius Caesar's head and unceremoniously pronounced him emperor just to see how the public beast would respond [For those with a sense of history, it was not a little unkindly].

"Even though I honestly had not planned on doing this," Gore gushed, while pulling an envelope from the pocket of his tuxedo. "I guess with a billion people watching, it is as good time as any. So, my fellow Americans, I am going to take this opportunity right here and now to formally announce..."

And then the band began to play...[A million dazzingly white Pepsodent smiles and Applause!]

Oh that Gore, what a ham!

So now every political banalyst is hyperventilating about the prospects of Gore jumping into the shark-infested political waters. My gawd, the excitement is killing me! All we need now is for John Kerry to show up with snorkeling gear and a Speedo outfit to announce his bid.

Excuse me for that totally twisted thought. Maybe I need a vacation. Not!

Since we are on the subject of snorkeling equipment and scuba diving, perhaps we should give a hoot here about Gore's "best documentary film.".

I watched this 'duh-cumentary' with a political campaign strategist from Iowa and we moaned and snickered through the entire 90 minutes. The bottom line on this film is that it is one big Gore campaign ad: A tsunami called "Big Al" crashing across a dying planet, flattening the best real estate in NYC and Beverly Hills. While Gore does offer some disturbing weather predictions, his preachy condescension will turn the stomach of the most ardent environmentalist.

The fact that Gore's film won an Oscar does not mean that Hollywood has taken to tree-hugging, as the long line of limousines proved. It only shows how bad the liberals loathe the Republicans. One last note: It was just revealed that Gore's 20-room mansion in Nashville consumes more electricity every month than the average U.S. household uses in an entire year. And that's a very inconvenient truth!

14. Athens Revisited

Mikhail Gorbachev had no idea that "an independent Presidential Republic of Foros" would be formed at the place of his confinement [Reference is to the Soviet coup of August 1991, when a group of members of the Soviet government briefly deposed Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev and attempted to take control of the country by holding him incommunicado at his dacha in Foros, where he was vacationing with his family. - Ed.]. This is the name of a "student expert/political forum," a project of Kremlin spin doctor Sergei Markov.

About 150 students from Moscow and Siberia, as well as from Ukraine, flock here every summer. They are joined by such itinerant political experts as Gleb Pavlovsky (president of the pro-Kremlin Effective Policy Foundation), Aleksandr Tsipko (political scientist), Konstantin Zatulin (director of the Institute of CIS Studies who was once blacklisted by Ukraine, among other Russian public figures, over their alleged interference in the country's internal affairs), Igor Mintusov (director of the Niccolo M Political Consulting Center), and Dmitry Oreshkin (director of the Merkator analysis group). The last two groups - representatives of the liberal camp - were invited to the Crimea to demonstrate the political pluralism that exists in the "Republic of Foros." 

The experts held lectures, and on more than one occasion heated debates erupted over various political questions

One media group publishes a newspaper called The Foros Times, and there is even a local currency, known as forosiki (a kind of bonus for civic activism, the bills bearing the likeness of Markov and Pavlovsky).

Until 3 p.m., forum participants frolic on the beach (although none of the experts have been spotted in such restive activities). But afterwards, the inexorable mechanism of self-government kicks in, and those who neglect their civic duties are denied vouchers to the local Derevyashka cafeteria. More importantly, workshop debates and discussions offers participants a chance for showing their leadership qualities. They may even attract enough votes from the ‘citizens of Foros' and win the nomination as the republic's presidential candidate. In other words, the place where Mikhail Gorbachev's career ended so ingloriously has paradoxically become a career launching pad for future politicians.

"I hope that in 20 to 30 years from now, all key posts in the Russian and Ukrainian governments, all leadership positions in political parties, and the media will be taken up by Foros graduates," Sergei Markov says. You have to hand it him: he did not copy his project from United Russia or Yabloko, which also have youth programs. He hit the bull's eye by merely coming up with the idea of a "summer republic," which, according to Markov, has been "borrowed" by the Americans.

This may seem like a game to the adults, but for 18-20 year old students, it is serious business: they will soon return to their institutes, where public policy skills that they have acquired in the summer camp will help them get more credits and will subsequently have a positive impact on their future careers. Furthermore, Foros experts are also employers: this reporter saw them invite some students, fluent in foreign languages, to submit their resumes.

It should be noted in fairness that the selection of forum participants this year was rather one-sided: university rectors and the State Club of Cadre Reserve (a real organization) sent only the "right" students. According to  Markov, last year there were two robust liberal teams at the forum - one from Moscow and the other, an "orange" team from Kiev, whose presence in the Crimea workshop was financed by a U.S. based NGO.

This year, evidently, the liberals had very little money.

The Foros Central Electoral Commission is holding a field session on the beach. A group of girls, led by presidential candidate Olga Kalinkina, a first year student at the Moscow State Institute of International Relations (MGIMO), are discussing ways of upgrading the forum's Web site and publishing a final collection of forum proceeds, among other things. In the evening Olga withdraws her candidacy. Asked why, she says: "I realized that I do not have a team; I am a novice here at the forum." Rumor has it that Olga dropped from the race to lend support to her boyfriend. This seemed unfortunate since her program was ambitious and far-reaching - expand the forum's format by inviting students from Europe and elsewhere and hold off-site sessions around Russia.

In the latest poll, Aleksandr Anokhin, a graduate student at the Moscow Aviation Technology Institute, was elected the new president of the Republic of Foros. After his policy making speech on the beach, the Central Electoral Commission adjourned until the next political season.