Reader Text 1 the politics of housework

(condensed)

We both had careers, both had to work to earn enough to live on. So why shouldn’t we share the housework? So, I suggested it to my mate and he agreed. “You’re right,” he said. “It’s only fair.”

Then an interesting thing happened. I can only explain it by stating that we women have been brainwashed more than even we can imagine. Probably too many years of seeing television women in ecstasy over shiny waxed floors or breaking down over their dirty shirt collars. Men have no such conditioning. They recognize the essential fact of housework right from the very beginning.

Here’s my list of chores: buying groceries and putting them away; cooking meals and washing dishes; doing the laundry; scrubbing floors. The list could go on but the sheer necessities are bad enough. All of us have to do these things, or get someone else to do them for us.

The longer my husband contemplated these chores, the more repulsed he became, and so proceeded the change from the normally sweet considerate Dr. Jekyll into the crafty Mr. Hyde who would stop at nothing to avoid the horrors of housework. As he felt himself backed into a corner laden with dirty dishes and garbage, his front teeth grew longer and pointer, his fingernails haggled and his eyes grew wild. Housework trivial? Not on your life! Just try to share the burden.

So ensued a dialogue that has been going on for several years. Here are some of the high points:

“I don’t mind sharing the housework, but I don’t do it very well. We should each do the things we’re best at.”

MEANING Unfortunately I’m no good at things like washing dishes or cooking. What I do best is changing light bulbs and moving furniture (how often do you move furniture?)

ALSO MEANING Historically the lower classes (Blacks and women) have had hundreds of years experience doing manual work. It would be a waste of manpower to train someone else to do it now.

ALSO MEANING I don’t like the stupid boring jobs, so you are to do them.

“I don’t mind sharing the work, but you’ll have to show me how to do it!”

MEANING I ask a lot of questions and you’ll have to show me everything every time I do because I don’t remember so well. And I’m going to annoy you until it’s easier to do them yourself.

“We used to be so happy!” (Said whenever it was his turn to do something.)

MEANING I used to be so happy.

ALSO MEANING Life without housework is bliss. Perfect agreement.

“We have different standards, and why do I have to work up to your standards? That’s unfair.”

MEANING If I begin to get bugged by the dirt I will say “This place is a sty” or “How can anyone live like this?” and wait for your reaction. I know that all women have a sore called “Guilt over a messy house”. I know that men have caused that sore – if anyone visits and the place is a sty, they will not say, “He sure is a lousy housekeeper.” You’ll have the rap in any case. I can outwait you.

ALSO MEANING I can provoke innumerable scenes over the housework issue. Eventually doing all the housework yourself will be less painful to you than trying to get me to do a bit. Or I’ll suggest we get a maid. She will do my share of the work. It’s women’s work.

“I’ve got nothing against sharing the housework, but you can’t make me do it on your schedule.”

MEANING Passive resistance. I’ll do it when I please, if at all. If my job is doing dishes, it’s easier to do them once a week. If doing our laundry, once a month. If washing the floors, once a year. If you don’t like it, do it yourself oftener, and then I won’t do it at all.

“I hate it more than you. You don’t mind it so much.”

MEANING Housework is degrading and humiliating for someone of my intelligence to do it. But for someone of your intelligence…

“Housework is too trivial to even talk about.”

MEANING It’s even more trivial to do. Housework is beneath my status. My purpose in life is to deal with matters of significance. Yours is to deal with matters of insignificance. You are to do the housework.

“This problem of housework is not a man-woman problem. In any relationship between two people one will have a stronger personality and dominate.”

MEANING That stronger personality had better be me.

“In animal societies, wolves, for example, the top animal is usually a male, and even there he is not chosen for brutal strength but on the basis of cunning and intelligence. Isn’t that interesting?”

MEANING I have historical, psychological, anthropological and biological justification for keeping you down. How can you ask the top wolf to be equal?

“Women’s Liberation isn’t really a political movement.”

MEANING The Revolution is coming too close to home.

ALSO MEANING I am only interested in how I am oppressed, not how I oppress others. Therefore the war, the draft and the university are political. Women’s Liberation is not.

“Man’s accomplishments have always depended on getting help from other people, mostly women. What a great man would have accomplished what he did if he had to do his own housework?”

MEANING Oppression is built into the system and I as the white American male receive the benefits of this system. I don’t want to give them up.

(by Pat Mainardi http://www.cwluherstory.org.html)